


Soliloquy

by Kittywu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jearmin Week, M/M, Prompt: Accident, sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittywu/pseuds/Kittywu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Remember how much you had been annoyed whenever I had gazed into your beautiful eyes for too long so that I had forgotten that you had asked me something? Remember how I once had joked that I wished the last thing I would see before I died would be your eyes?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soliloquy

**Author's Note:**

> Do yourself a favour and don't read this while listening to "Building Bridges" by Milow.

There was a big bright light. It was all I could see for a few seconds, maybe minutes, maybe an eternity. Then, the glowing whiteness changed into something else. Into one of the prettiest colours on this planet – a vibrant shade of ocean blue. The colour of your eyes. I could have watched them forever.

Remember the first time we met, when your pretty eyes had left me speechless? When I had looked deep into them, like gazing into an endless ocean? And that I had known then that I could be happy just looking into your eyes? Remember that when I had finally found the courage to ask you for a date, I couldn’t get a single straight sentence out because I was so nervous? You had giggled a bit and pressed a soft short kiss onto my lips. I had blushed so much that you had been worried and then you had giggled even more. And you had said yes, you would go out with me.

Remember how after our date, in front of your doorstep, you had looked at me with a cheeky grin and asked if the thing was now official? I had been the happiest man back then, and I had thought that it wouldn’t be possible to become happier. With a smile as bright as sun and moon and stars together, I had said yes. And then, I had kissed you.

Remember how we still kissing when your grandpa opened the door? He had been cool with it, he always was cool, but his first reaction had nevertheless been to close the door again immediately. We had stopped kissing and looked at each other and burst into laughter. When he had opened the door again after five minutes, we had still been laughing. You had tried your best to calm down and then, you had told your grandpa that I was your boyfriend Jean. I still remember how he had smiled and that he had told me he was pleased to meet me – and that I would better treat you well. He had taken the whole thing better than my dad had, and he had become a part of my family more and more since that day.

Remember how you had been freaking out before our final exams? How you had locked yourself up in your room to study and how I had thrown rocks at your window because you hadn’t reacted to any of my calls or messages? And then you had leaned out of the window, like Rapunzel with chin length hair, and I had been just glad to see that your books hadn’t devoured you yet. So I had laughed and asked you to let down your hair just like the prince does in the fairy tale and you had laughed too and said that it was too short to reach me. You had complained that you had to be the princess but I had just kissed your nose because you were my prince charming all along. I had tried the hardest to give you something better to do than to disappear between Maths, English or History notes. So we had been making out on your bed for hours and if it had been planned beforehand, we probably hadn’t been satisfied with that – tension and lust had ignited the air in that small room of yours.

I wished I could forget how we hadn’t been allowed to go to prom together and how you had started to cry when the other people at high school had pointed at us with their fingers, looking at us after they had been gossiping, just to start insulting us. I wished the image of your swollen red eyes wasn’t what haunted me when I didn’t feel well, when I got to the point again where I thought you would have been better off without me. But that day had also been the day where I know that I wouldn’t want to live a single day without you, that I could never let you go and that I would be the one to hold you when you cried, the one who would shield you from the hate of the world. So we had been going to prom alone, and after the dance, we had been invited to what Eren had called a party and where we had finally danced together, in the living room of your childhood best friend. For us, this had been our real prom. And I wished I could forget the rest of that night.

I wish I could forget how you moved away after graduation to go to the college of your dreams and how I had felt left behind – I hadn’t made up my mind yet about my future and I hadn’t felt like going to college. So I had to stay behind while you had been moving away. And I had been afraid that you would be moving on. We had tried to skype every day but when your schedule had been busier, we hadn’t been talking much for weeks. I wish I could forget how lonely I had been during that time. I then had made up my mind that I could work in a restaurant close to your college instead of one in our hometown. When you had opened the door of your apartment with no clue that it had been me who had knocked, you had looked so happily even though the tears had kept rolling down your cheeks with no end. You had kissed me and I had not been able to release you out of my tight embrace for what felt endless. It had been the day where I had realized you would never move on, you couldn’t, even if you tried.

Remember our first Christmas together? I had impressed you with what I had learned in the restaurant and you had laughed when I had tried to feed you with my homemade crème brûlée. And this time, it had been me who couldn’t stop crying when you had suddenly asked me to close my eyes because you had prepared a surprise. I had protested because it had been too early for presents but you had said that no, this would be the perfect moment. Then you had asked me to open my eyes again and you had asked me if I would marry you. I had said yes, of course. And then we had both cried because everything had seemed perfect.

Remember how nervous I had been when I had walked down the aisle? How your beautiful eyes once again had left me breathless? How I had stammered the words I do and the vow that Mikasa had helped me to write? And how you had said your perfectly written vow that had reduced everyone to tears, even Eren? But what had I expected from a becoming poet? I had been the proudest man when I had been told to kiss the groom.

Remember how much you had been annoyed whenever I had gazed into your beautiful eyes for too long so that I had forgotten that you had asked me something? Remember how I once had joked that I wished the last thing I would see before I died would be your eyes?

And as your ocean blue eyes faded out and everything got white again, I whispered goodbye Armin, even though you weren’t there to hear it.

* * *

Jean was late. Armin had wanted to surprise him because it was their anniversary, he had cooked dinner and bought champagne. He had tried to make crème brûlée, even though his would never be as good as Jean’s. And now, he was waiting for three hours, but there was no sign of his husband. He didn’t react to his calls and when he had called at the restaurant, they had told him that Jean even left an hour earlier because of their anniversary.

When someone knocked at the door, he was sure it would be Jean. He sometimes forgot his keys.   
“Jean, what the hell took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you since forever!”, he shouted as he opened the door. But in front of him, there was no sight of the handsome, brown-haired cook.   
“Mr Kischstein? We are really sorry, but there had been an accident.”


End file.
